Snapbacks and Tutus

Learning to embrace the mess and writing about it

Seen

I am not fond of the game of Hide and Seek. As a child, I would participate, but with unspoken hesitancy, for my inclination was counterproductive to the goal of the game.  My desire as a child was to disappear.  At five years old I can remember hours spent contemplating the transience of life and […]

Comfortable or Not

I see you.  I watch your eyes widen, and your lips purse as a pronounced red blush spreads across your face.  You can’t just walk away as that would be rude, and you don’t have anything further to ask because there is, quite frankly, nothing more to say.  And so you shift uncomfortably from right […]

Wired for Why

I am an introvert.  I sought for many years to define the marked restlessness of a soul driven by the desire to communicate in a wildly expansive and profound way and the equal craving for sanctuary and introspection.  While I have come to embrace this personality preference, it tends to lend itself to a complexity […]

I am the New Girl

I am the new girl.  And while this is not a novel circumstance, everything in me wants to scamper back to where I came from, to the place where I was safely sheltered in the concrete corners of urban streets cradled gently in the hammock of amiable familiarity and immaculate anonymity.    I have been uprooted and […]

Look Up!

I am afraid of snakes but it isn’t quite that elementary.  Were my consternation solely focused on elongated limbless reptiles, life would be far less complicated.  Sadly, however, there are spiders, in whom every unknown terror in the world is fused into wriggling, poison-jawed horror, and menacing sea creatures who roam the depths of ocean […]

He Will Not Waste the Rain

Keith loved the weather.  He could innately discern the distant mutter of an approaching storm and his senses were inexplicably keen to the faint suggestion of rain in a misfit breeze.  He would often, with the expectancy of a child on Christmas morning, stand outside, his face gently turned upward, watching the icy grey sky. […]

Between Now and Next

I have the soul of a wanderer I suppose.  My heart is keenly convinced that wonder does not live in cold, predictable and tidy.  It is almost as if nostalgia for me is forward facing.  I recognize it as the strange longing for that which has yet to be explored.  I have often pondered the […]

Sweet Ambiguity

For the adolescents in my nest everything seems too big. There is no context or perspective, only borderless heartache and unrestrained delight. Through the lens of midlife, I understand fully that experience will eventually come to their rescue, but for now there are only extremes.  I have experienced undeniable seasons of both wildness and settledness, […]

There are Holes in my Walls

There are holes in my walls, rounded fist sized holes, not an easy admission for one who so owns the preference of order and perfection. I can recall in those burgeoning first weeks of motherhood, being so off put by the absolute chaos created by the nine pound cherub who had wrenched from my hands […]

An Inconvenient Heart

I have been described as “emotional and reactive”.  This label, meant to advise those with whom I would interact of my inconvenient heart, actually served as the catalyst for stunning personal growth and development.  Although I initially took issue with this assessment, the feedback allowed for an intimate self-examination of an introspective soul fraught with […]

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